Fwd: Funny/Corny

These are really bad .... but funny


> > 1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.

> > The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

> >

> > 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

> > One says, "I've lost my electron."

> > The other says, "Are you sure?"

> > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

> >

> > 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar.

> > The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

> >

> > 4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

> >

> > 5. A sandwich walks into a bar.

> > The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

> >

> > 6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

> >

> > 7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

> > "A beer please, and one for the road."

> >

> > 8. Two cannibals are eating a clown.

> > One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

> >

> > 9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

> > "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

> > "Is it common?"

> > Doc says, "It's not unusual."

> >

> > 10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

> > Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

> > "I don't believe you," said Dolly.

> > "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

> >

> > 11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

> > The kids were nothing to look at either.

> >

> > 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,

> > "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

> > "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

> > So he picks the dog up, examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

> > Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

> > "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

> > "No, because he's really heavy."

> >

> > 13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

> > find any.

> >

> > 14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he

> > couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

> > He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

> >

> > 15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

> >

> > 16. What do you call fish with no eyes? Fsh.

> >

> > 17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

> >

> > 18. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer"

> > The bartender says, "For you, no charge".

> >

> > 19. A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches

> > in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

> > She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake,

> > she says, "Well that's great . . . just great . . . Some asshole's got my

> > pen."

> >

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