New Element Discovered...Administratium

Subject: : New Discovery

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to
science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."
Administratium has 1 neutron,
12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons,
it is inert. However,
it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount
of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it
would normally take less
than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead
undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact,
Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that
Administratium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.